National Association of Ticket Scalpers Endorse John McCain
Released on: October 26, 2008, 7:55 pm
Press Release Author: Bookie Ball / National Association of Ticket Scalpers
Industry: Consumer Services
Press Release Summary: NATS Believe Senator McCain Best Bet to Protect Their Unregulated Industry
Press Release Body: In a surprise move today the National Association of Ticket Scalpers have officially endorsed John McCain for President of the United States. Minnesota Mike, President of the NATS, spoke to reporters today from the floor of the NATS national convention that took place at the Pink Pony strip club in Atlanta Georgia. "It was a great battle that took place this year on the floor of the Pink Pony, and I am not talking about the hair pulling fight that took place earlier today between those ho strippers, as most of our members are black and wanted to endorse Hussein Obama only because he is mostly black." Mike went on to say, "we finally had to have the white guys sit down and explain to the black guys that if you are going to get rich in our society you have to think exactly like the corrupt lying rich white men of this great nation." After taking a break to get a lap dance from a petite blond dancer named Avalon, who pointed out that if someone would give her the phone number to send the text message she would vote for Obama several times and that she also prefers black men because they have bigger dicks, Mike further explained, "we fear that Obama will make attempts to protect the average citizen and we believe that it is our unalienable right to rip off Joe Six Pack without government intervention. We also greatly respect that Senator McCain understands the easiest and proven ways to power and wealth in our country are to protect the wealthiest in our society as they spend the most money on luxury items like event tickets while also making the largest campaign contributions and to marry a rich white woman. We believe McCain with his history with the Keating Five and by marrying Cindy Lou Hensley has proven that he truly understands whats best for the people in our society that have or hope to one day have more money than they can ever spend and to have more houses than they can ever live in". Mike, who earlier bragged that he had drank 20 Jack and Diet Cokes while presiding over the national convention, continued to explain the endorsement after visiting the mens room to throw up, "we NATS like to call it trickle down corruption. McCain and the Republicans may only pass legislation to protect the richest and most corrupt white people of our society but we believe that these policies will trickle down even to our level and eventually help protect and give us street ticket scalpers the free market opportunity to lie to and scam the general public outside concert and sports venues around this great county without having to worry about big brother sneaking up on us." Before passing out Minnesota Mike told reporters that any other questions about the endorsement and the NATS should be directed to Bookie Ball, local Atlanta ticket scalper, potential felon and national spokesman for the NATS. Bookie Ball can be reached at NATSforMcCain@yahoo.com.
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The National Association of Ticket Scalpers was started in 1988 from a holding cell at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Detention Center in Charlotte North Carolina by founding board members Carolina Carl and Doug the Rug after both were arrested outside a Motley Crue concert at the Charlotte Coliseum. Its stated goals are to help its members make mo money, to educate the public that it is OK to give that stranger in the parking lot your hard earned money, that the tickets this stranger is selling are real and are really in the front row and to raise money to give to police officers to look the other way.
2025
